I feel like there's something missing
but I just don't know what

I need something new, some new perspective for a fresh point of view. to slap me in the face and open my eyes and pull me out of this maelstrom of inactive anxiety where my only energy outlet is outdoor solo sojourns.
Here's the problem: I know exactly what I want. It's very simple and mundane. It took me a while to figure it out, but once I did I was 150% sold. Why a problem? Because getting from what you have to what you want is like stepping out onto a ledge over a chasm, seeing the other side 50 miles away and wondering how to get from A to B without any tools, instructions or people to guide you. Or like being on an island in the middle of a warm sunny blizzard with no clue as to where you should be going next - like that one time I was kicked out of Kirkwood and drove my beatup Honda up Carson Pass in the middle of a whiteout blizzard, got to the top and couldn't see out my windows at the edge of a cliff so I had to just choose a direction and go. Trusting the gut. What happened? I reversed down a 9% grade to a safe point, busted out my rusty chains and broke the skin of my fingers dancing between the driver's seat and the snowy slope to make my ill-fitting chains wrap around too-large tires in the lonely white and black of a desolate Sierra snow storm. It was nice, one of those slap-in-the-face-new-perspective moments that I could use right now.
Maybe that's what's missing, more trial and error.
Not enough trial, too much error.
Who knows. I'll leave it at that