In fact I haven't really written anything in the past month, what is that? I need to get back on it. The horse is far away and still galloping apace.
It's funny though because I'm getting pretty sick of sprinting - maybe it's this job, it comes in waves. I have to have money, so I jump back on the schedule and work 4 days a week and suddenly life blends to a blur or greys and early mornings. Then I wake up today and have nothing to say and no channel to shove it through.
That's fine, you don't always have to have something to say.. I just enjoy the exercise of getting my thoughts moving - eeking them past the boulderstop that's walling up quick. I can push them over, like I'm doing now, and the blog is my outlet.
Wait, I did just have a thought. But for fear of sounding dark.
Here it is: we can be anywhere, do anything. A daily reminder I tend to get stuck not reminding myself of.. we can do anything. Pick it up and fly. The question is, would you have people in your life were you to do anything? we have options. We can either stay in one place and hang onto the people around us (because for some reason nobody else is a metronomad) or we can get fed up and fantasize (and even act upon) an escape route from this convoluted amalgam of social mash.
This of course is coming from the guy who's having trouble eeking those thoughts over the boulderstop, mind you. I get tired of running, of pushing, and nonstop struggle and just want to say "f**k it" and walk away from the whole scenario. Let someone else deal with all the trouble while I take my energies elsewhere and release them into the canyon wind.
A big part of the problem is that at this point nobody's counting on me anymore. Nobody has much in the way of expectations so really it's all just personal survival (or even better, finding something worthwhile to do) and so I've chosen a current highest form of imaginary survival. And I do mostly enjoy every second of it when things are good, but I'm destructively impatient and overly skeptical. Overly? well, overly because I sometimes think I'm the only one who sits back with furrowed brow and thinks, "wait a tick, let's see that again. really? that?"
So I had the desire to escape again today. But I won't do it because I don't need to. I would enjoy it, but walking out on a commitment, as banal and secularly cyclical as all this seems sometimes, is walking out on a commitment.
So I wont. I'll continue to toast my bread in a pan and commute to a bungling city between hills. I need to do a better job of creating my future - letting things come and go on the fly is too risky and I'm left unprepared for moments like today.
:)
Thanks for listening. Sounding Board thou art.
Mikie
9 comments:
ummmm, somebody's counting on you my friend and it's ME. to come visit. soon. let's see.....august 12 for the perseids and a mountain climb? i miss you dreadfully. i like your ramblings. and it's a slump for everyone right now. LovE YOU.
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In addition there are included services such as website builders, search engine marketing, database deployment, and online stores.
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