I think I'm gonna take a trip.
I don't mean to make a big surprise or something, so I'm telling you now that I've been thinking about taking a long and unthought-out trip, outside of the country. My plan at this point is to go somewhere where I can meet other travelers who can introduce me to other places I can go, and so on. I'm not sure how long I want this trip to last, so I won't put down a timeframe. My responsibilities at the moment are very few, and so I think now is the best time to really think about doing something like this. Also, and coincidentally, I have lost my sense of purpose and drive that I used to pride myself in having. The reason I want to do a trip is to help myself rediscover that part of myself that took big risks out of honor and respect for my ability to Love, and to realize my total insignificance and total significance and give myself something bigger and more beautiful to think about than my current daily thoughts. I'm convinced that a trip that transplants me physiologically from here to some foreign place where I know nothing and understand very little will force me to rediscover myself, and in this discovery there will be the person I've somehow lost touch with.
Will this work? It will, because when I left Placerville to attend UCSC in 2005, I was in a very similar state to what I'm currently in now, and at 22 and moved away I found myself reigniting some Original Self and in a few months I became alive again like a strangled dog finally released. With the energy of that I took on the future at my University with total and wonderful confidence and truth.
Today I'm still the same human being as I was then.. but for some reason I don't feel the same anymore. Now I don't do things with confidence and I rarely know the truth. But there's a part of me who's yelling, "MIKIE! You're running in the mud and going nowhere! and it's killing you!!" This is the part of me that know I need to leave. I must go on a trip, and this part will not let me stop thinking about it.
What's the worst part? Watching friends and acquaintances around me go on similar trips with ease, while I sit here typing a blog about thinking about going on a trip.
Is a trip like this totally hilarious? Yes, and that's the best part. See, there's another part of me who scoffs at such nonsense. HE's the guy who shrinks like a penis wrinkle when you get him cold enough..and the outside world is cold. I want to pinch that terrible Man right out of existence, light him like the red tip of a match and blow him out. It's time to kill the demon inside of me that keeps telling me I can't do something for whatever dogdammed reason.
I have been thinking about this for a while, and it's time to start getting ready to do it. I'm not sure where to begin, so any help would be wonderful. One thing I might know is that I need to go it alone. I need foreign influences without any reminders of home, or I'll never get through this.
OK enough said. If you have something to say, pleeease say it.
Love you very much
Mikie
Oh and PS - after 3 days of work I have already paid off my doctor and medicine bills for the burn accident! Success to me! hurray! Not to mention, the beautiful pink baby's skin I've grown over the past week is absolutely stunning. you should see this stuff. I look like I've grown a new right pec! very enthusing business.
4 comments:
i think you should go to costa rica. your friends hillary and daniel have contacts there right? and you can plan it out and take busses to other areas and swim and raft and stay in hostels. you would never regret it and you really need some adventure. i will be very jealous though. and are you sure you want to go alone? i think i know a little someone who might like to join you.
hey, take a trip. i know we just took a short one--shorter mainly because of work and child constraints (not that those things are bad)--but make it long, as long as you can manage. I agree with Heather (and I think I already gave you my suggestions), but go Central America! Costa Rica would be so amazing. Why not Belize?? Something Caribbean would be great too--Puerto Rico (would be easy), Jamaica, Dominican Republic. Even straight south to Mexico. Or fly away to Brazil. Sorry, just ideas. You'll get the location figured out. Are you going solo?
This is what I would do. #1 get online and see where the cheapest flight goes to. there is always at least one cheap flight across the seas. I've see Germany for 245.00, Costa rica and Ireland always has some great deal. #2 book it! #3 leave! #4 die with new fun adventures, but take lots of photos so we can somehow die with you!! Love you xoxoox
Hi, my name is Andrea Mercier-Droste and I stumbled across your blog from the link on Matt & Amy's blog. You probably don't remember me from EDHS, but I'm between you and Matt in age. I hope you don't find this strange, but after reading this entry of yours, I felt I had to comment. There's an international organization called 'Servas' which my older sister and I have traveled with numerous times in Europe and North America. It is a non-profit, non-government, peace association. You can be a traveler or a host. Basically as a traveler, you get a book(let) of all the hosts in the area/country you want to go and you arrange to stay with them on your own--even on short notice. There is a lot of info about the hosts, so you can really choose exactly what/who/where you want (to go). I can highly recommend this way to travel because it gives you a free place to stay, you meet people and thus discover parts of culture, food, language, people, way of life, etc., that you wouldn't normally experience as a typical tourist. My grandparents and parents were/are hosts, so I've seen that side of it as well. Just check it out: www.servas.org, maybe it's something for you or will help you on your journey...
If you have any other questions about it, feel free to contact me: andreamercier21@yahoo.com. Oh, and I've been living in Austria and Germany for the past 9 years, so if you want to come this way, I can definitely give you some tips.
Take care and good luck finding what you want!
Andrea
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