The only thing constant in my life is this cursed lack of constancy, this endlessly inconsistent array of events. Nothing stays; nothing remains the same.
Because I have an Anti-Constant Bazooka (ACB), with its crosshairs scanning the horizon for any sign of normalness...and as soon as some's spotted then SWOOSH...BOOOOOM! it's gone into smithereens of precious matter scattered irreparably into clowds.
I hate it.
I wish that I could write down every thought and reason for everything that I do, every moment that happens to me since a certain point. I feel like then maybe certain people would understand why I do what I do - all the honesty would be completely spread out in a tableau of Logic..then for those certain folk it would all make perfect sense and they could have this moment of epiphanal "Ahhh! Now I totally get it, I totally understand where you're coming from."
Then the things that I do wouldn't seem bad or mysterious or hurtful, but for good reasons.
How is it that the world changes around me but I never ever change? I can sit in the same Borders, year after year and reflect on the things that happened knowing that after all of this I'm still exactly the same as I ever have been. Maybe I grow a little inside, maybe I meet new people. But my ability to love is unwavering. My desires remain stationary within me. It's sad because I reach to others as I watch their loves waver and their desires shift like the old ketchup over new. Helplessly reaching because my grip is too forgiving.
I'm horrifically cursed to know exactly what I want. It's a terrible terrible thing to only love without bounds. So many others love based only on conditions. Sometimes those relationships are very important, like when dealing with a business. But I don't believe a true love, such as within a family or between intimate friends should rely on conditions or rules.. I wish people could love each other with all-accepting love that can't be shaken up.
1 comment:
What in the heck is the above comment saying--makes absolutely no sense and the link he includes is full of virus's per my Symantec protector. And who is Anonymous anyhow. Actually Mikie, your message is a little unclear until the last couple paragraphs. When it comes to love, I think that the only dimension of love that you can control is the love you personally show or feel and if that love is all-excepting, then you are on the right track. You can't ever control how someone else behaves or loves. By the way the picture in my profile (above) is of my dad and my brother Stephen--Steve and I were best friends.
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