Friday, March 27, 2009
Age Blog
I sometimes like to think I'm getting older. What I'm realizing is that I'm not. I wasn't 24 that long ago, just like when I was 19 I felt like I could have been thirty. I some days tell myself or ponder on the idea that with a little bit of age there should be some kind of maturity or wise awakening or responsible understanding that I should have reached, now that I've done a couple things and been a couple places. But who am I kidding? I've done very little, and I honestly haven't been outside of the western US. As of today, March 27th, 2009 I don't understand things any better now than when I sat in the Porter computer lab writing Myspace blogs, or when I swept the Safeway parking lot at 6 am and hummed the Majora's Mask theme song, or when I drove through the empty streets of central Hollywood at 2am looking at the stars, or when I stood on the Corpus Christie arena stage talking over a microphone to 7000 screaming tweens, or when I stood on the pitcher's mound after too few practices beaning batter after batter, or when we camped at Twin Lakes for the first time, or when I bleached my hair yellow...ok this is getting laundry-listy. Here's the point: as I'm getting older, I feel an obligation to act wiser and more refined, but that clashes with my internal desire to keep wondering at everything as if it were the first time I'd ever seen it. I'd still say that I have yet to see the world, and it's all out there waiting for me. I'm still a daydreaming late teen scrambling for freedom and pleasure in a world that rewards suffering and close-mindedness. I still have something to prove, and can't wait to spend the rest of my life proving it. Idealistically I will never conform. but I love society for trying. I'm as spry as the last day I ditched 12th grade, and nothing's changed. Nothing happened. I'm alive just like then. We're all secretly just bodies interacting with each other and trying to be fulfilled. It means that all those things you ever wanted to do, you still get to do them with that same ruthless love of everything. Even if it makes me seem selfish. Just Blub.
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Are you kidding---You are learning all the time as you go along and picking up tidbits of wisdon in the process, you just don't realize it. You especially Mikie are engaged in many, many life activities. As for you, you just won't have it any other way. And as for missing out for not having been the world over, a couple of things I say to that. I have lived on P'ville for 20 plus years and I haven't seen half of the back roads here or much of Calif. or very little of the USA. And you know what I always say about needing to travel everywhere you can--A quote that I like "A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it" George Moore.
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