there really are some things i miss about LA.
Particularly, the excitement of it all. I won't lie, it was all very exciting. Each moment was, filled to bursting. I'd go to work a happy boy, excited just to be alive and part of something breathable. I'd be excited to get off work and jaunt by Ralph's for some late-night chow and a glance at the magazines. I'd be excited to hang out with Nikki and watch movies. I was even excited to drive the doomful drive across town to Santa Monica for my great failed class. then on the ways back nothing could contain the beauty that was downtown Los Angeles in the midnight air, glimmering and bright like a nova shining in blackness, merging into proximity and then hovering above me like a space ship. The beauty of a city is something incomparable in nature..
somewhere along the lines of things I definitely had a reality check too. And I followed that check, followed the urgency because no matter how pretty or haunting or excitable all the glitz is on beautiful days, none of it matches the urgent truth of loved ones far away. That vacancy cannot be filled with alcohol and tourists or even good work. No, it is a thing of its own, and must be preserved.
and so my long summer of wonder begins. with time now to consider and discern, i rest for a few nights at dad's house. then to Santa Cruz, and then Hawaii it seems. coming back I could be broke and burnt, but maybe coming back i'll finally have a new course for steering some of these new things.
I know it's hard for me to say this after all those crazy sad nights of loneliness and bad dreams, but I miss LA.
I wish I could have it all. I wish I could close the gap between worlds, live in all places at once, pull together everyone and have us all do exactly what we set out to do originally, together.
So now, where's my command? What fingers point where?
I think I know, but the answers we want and the answers we get never match. Rarely. Not until we listen to our mothers, right?
well Mikie the current you says to the future you: break a leg